Rantings Diversified

Acura
All Cars Usually Require Adjustment
Awful Crappy Unreliable Rusty Automobile

Audi
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Bad Mannered Wankers
Bastard Money Wielders
Bavarian Manure Wagon
Bayerisher Mist Wagen (Bavarian shit-car in german)
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Big Money Waste
Big Money Waster
Big Money Works
Bimbette Motor Weapon
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck
Break My Windows
Broken Money Waster
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Brutal Money Waster
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch

Buick
Big Ugly Import Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

Chevrolet
Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips.
Cheap Hardly Efficient Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cranks Hard Every Valve Rattles Oil Leaks Every Time
Crappy Hot-Running Engines Very Rusted Out Lose Every Time

Chevy
Charged Heavily
Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet

Chrysler
Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative’s

Citroen
Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters

Dodge
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
Drips Oil Drops Grease Everywhere

Fiat
Failure in Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fix it again Tony!
Fix It All the Time

FORD
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Fault Of R & D
Federation Of Rusty Dungers
Ferociously Overpowered Road Demon
First on race day
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Fix Or Repair Daily
Flip Over Read Directions
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
For Old Retired Dudes
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Forlorn Old Ratridden Dustbin
Fork Over Repair Dough
Formed Of Rejected Dna
Found On Road Dead
Found On Roadside Dump
Found On Roof Demolished
Found On Rubbish Dump
Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto’s
Frequent Opinion Really Disappointed
Frequent Overhaul Rapid Deterioration

GTI
Got Tossers Inside

Holden
Heavy Oil Leaks Deafening Engine Noise
Hold On Love Damn Engines Nackered
Hope Our Luck Doesn’t End Now
Horrible Obscene Loud Disgusting Engine Noises

Honda
Had Odd Noises Daily Also
Had One Never Did Again
Hand Over Dollars to Asians
Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile
Helping Out Nips Destroying America
Hold On No Damn Anchor
Hold Overs Not Doing Anything
How Odd-No Damn Acceleration

Hyundai
Hope You Understand Nothing’s Driveable And Inexpensive…

Jeep
Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts
Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole.
Jumps Everything Ever Parked
Junk Electrical and Emissions Parts
Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts
Just Everyone Elses Parts

MOPAR
More Old Parts and Rust
Mostly Old Paint And Rust
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Mostly Over Powered And Respected
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
Move Over People Are Racing
Mutilates Other Products At Races
My Old Pig Aint Runnin’

Oldsmobile
Oh Look Dammit Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot’s Leaking Everything
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel
Overpriced Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick’s Irregular LeftoverEquipment

Pontiac
Plenty Of Noises That Irritate And Clank
Poor Old Nigger Thinks It’s A Cadillac

Porsche
Phased Out Racer-Still Can’t Hold Engine
Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough
Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions

Renault
Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash

Saab
Send Another Automobile Back
Stupid Arrogant Asshole Babies
Such an arrogant bastard!
Swedish Automobile – Always Broken
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

Toyota
Taking Our Yen Out — Thanks All
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

Triumph
The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily

Volvo
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
Very Old Ladies Vehicle Only

VW
Very Worrying
Very Worthless
Virtually Worthless