Rantings Diversified

I just downloaded the most recent podcast from The New Zealand Pubcast.  I haven’t had a chance to listen to it but I read the web site and apparently in New Zealand they allow baby seals to go clubbing and then they die.  How cruel is that?  I can’t fathom why they allow these semi-endangered sea mammals to go dancing and drinking all night long.  Have you ever seen a seal?  I bet they’re not very good dancers.  They have all these baby seals hitting up on the girls at the club and starting fights.  You know these seals are buying up all the RedBull for their all night weekend clubbing adventures.   So then you get a bunch of drunk baby seals hanging around late at night, probably smoking cigarettes and picking fights or they apparently go back to the beach after clubbing and die thus terrorizing the locals who are there, late at night to make out or have sex on the beach.  Imagine being with that cutie you picked up at the pub and you’re at the beach just getting it on like crazy, jungle monkeys and a bunch of dead baby seals show up.  Well that would put you off your groove pretty darn quick and then she would be screaming all horror movie style.  Is this a scene you wish to see?  I didn’t think so.
First off, we need to find baby seal sitters for the weekends.  You see the adult seals go off to northern Japan to drink warm Sake and eat raw fish on the weekends leaving their offspring to fend for themselves in the clubs and bars of New Zealand.  This is the crux of the problem, the utter lack of any good parenting skills of the adult seals.  We need to find baby seal sitters while we develop a way of educating the adult seals on being better parents.
Secondly, we need to form a UN-NGO advocacy organization to help the baby seals find an alternative to clubbing.  We could set up counciling sessions and send off guidance councilors to try and talk the baby seals out of going to the clubs.  We might have to go as far as recruiting a baby seal police force and keep them from clubbing by force.  Now the baby seal police force (N.Z.B.S.P.F.) would not be armed but instead they would carry large truncheons or batons to keep the baby seals in line.
Please, this is one of the most important issues of our time.  Do what you can to help stop the clubbing of baby seals.