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    Just another Tuesday

    January 16th, 2007

    Here in PA we just inaugurated Commandant Rendell for another four years. Watching the local news shows I’ve found out that he has ordered a mess of food, for his inaugurations, from the Spot as well as from Pat’s Steaks. Well isn’t that just full of poopiness! I love Spotdogs and I have prefered Pat’s over Gino’s for many many years now. The only thing I can say is the hell with both yins’. I shall never eat another Spotdog again, well at least for the next four years!!! Oh, and Pat…….Gino’s is right across the street…Biotch!!!

    Another sad thing I found out today is that Anie Chambers SligoZone.net web site is no longer. Thank you Anie., I’ll miss ya’!

    On a happier note I joined the Legion. No, not the Beau Geste, speaking french, wearing funny hats one.
    The American Legion. Post 998 to be exact!


    24

    January 15th, 2007

    First let me say I have NEVER seen this TV show before yesterday. Ok with that said I watched the entire 4 hour long season premiere. What the heck happened to , “summer replacement shows”? I thought new shows started in like September or something like that. I guess that shows how much TV I watch. Anyways, I liked it. I liked it alot actually. Yes, I saw all the lefty hand wringing crapola they stuck in it but I really liked the Arab guy yelling at the black girl telling her to act right. Oh yea, we’re also suppose to believe that negoitiations with Islamofasists are better than military force. Ok so it was WAY full of crapola but it was good. This character Jack Bauer kicked ass and he kicked some serious Islamofasist ass. I personally hope that the character of Ahmed gets Saddamed and his cat gets to bat at his inanimate legs. I dropped my jaw when the uber-bad guy reached up and flicked the switch that set off the atomic bomb. then when they showed Jack looking up and his face was illuminated by the atomic bomb blast, I said, “Holy Shit”, out loud. now of course they did not capture the big-uber-bad guy so they can have an entire season of chasing him down.
    Hmmmm, I might watch it again next week, if I remember when it’s on. I usually remember to watch TV shows a few days after they’re on. But hey that’s just me ya’ know.


    Useless but Interesting

    January 13th, 2007

    1. The sentence “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” Uses every letter in the alphabet.
    2. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
    3. A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.
    4. In the 1940s, the FCC assigned television’s Channel 1 to mobile services (two-way radios in taxicabs, for instance) but did not re-number the other channel assignments. That is why your TV set has channels2 and up,
    but no channel 1.
    5. The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
    6. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
    7. Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of  Ohio.
    8. Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?
    9. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
    10.The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie.” Thus the name of the Don McLean song.
    11.When opossums are playing ‘possum, they are not “playing.” They actually pass out from sheer terror.
    12.The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
    13.Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
    history. Spades – King David, Clubs – Alexander the Great, Hearts – Charlemagne, and Diamonds -Julius Caesar.
    14.111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321.
    15.If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
    16.Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down – hence the expression “to get fired.”
    17.Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th , John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn’t added until 5 years later.
    18.”I am.” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
    19.The term “the whole 9 yards” came from WWII fighter pilots in the Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .50 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got “the whole 9 yards.”
    20.Hershey’s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it’s kissing the conveyor belt.
    21.The phrase “rule of thumb” is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
    22.An ostrich’s eye is bigger that it’s brain.
    23.The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
    24.The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
    25.David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader’s lines, and didn’t know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
    26.The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the “General Purpose” vehicle, G.P.
    27.The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites.
    28.The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
    29.Cat’s urine glows under a black light.
    30.The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
    31.Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
    32.If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
    33.No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
    34.The first toilet ever seen on television was on  “Leave It To Beaver”.
    35.The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
    36.Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
    37.The name Wendy was made up for the book “Peter Pan.”
    38.In Cleveland, Ohio, it’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.
    39.It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs.
    40.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
    41.There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald’s Big Mac bun.
    42.The world’s termites outweigh the world’s humans 10 to 1.
    43.Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.
    44.The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
    45.When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.
    46.It’s possible to lead a cow upstairs…but not downstairs.
    47.The Bible has been translated into Klingon.
    48.Humans are the only primates that don’t have pigment in the palms of their hands
    49.Ten percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka.
    50.Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
    51.On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
    52.In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world’s nuclear weapons combined.
    53.Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
    54.Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.
    55.Elephants can’t jump. Every other mammal can.
    56.The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
    57.Five Jell-O flavors that flopped: celery, coffee, cola, apple, and chocolate.
    58.According to one study, 24% of lawns have some sort of lawn ornament in their yard.
    I received this in an email in August 1998.  Author Unknown


    Kinda’ like a Friday

    January 12th, 2007

    I thought I would leave you’ins with this happy thought for a Friday. It’s called…..

    Death in Circumspect

    This city has no port nor industry to speak of
    the great mass of the proletariat meets
    twice a day on the south bridge
    or I-81
    nameless and faceless
    in a hurry to get in front of you
    fat, clutching their union cards and mobile phones
    with fading memories
    like that old daguerreotype
    they have to make dinner and get to SprawlMart before
    lawandorderERCSIamericanidol comes on
    TV
    the revolution will come and it’ll be watched
    on CNNMSNBCCBSABCNBCTNTFNN and A&E
    It will come in little bits and pieces
    one man here and another there
    it’ll be the talk of the day
    in the cubicles
    they are really just horse stalls
    I watch them waiting to be turned out
    It’s just well fair with a bus ride
    a trade of independence for beneficence


    I am a Liberal

    January 11th, 2007

    I am a Liberal.
    I think Cindy Sheehan needs to be bitch slapped and packed back off to, “The Peoples Republik of Kalifornia”.
    You see I am not a Progressive. I am a Liberal because I believe in Liberty. Liberty for all. Not just the folks who believe what I do.
    I am a Liberal because I believe that the Federal Gov’t needs to get rid of all the alphabet agencies and the tens of thousands of pages of federal code and get back to the task originally set to it by the constitution.
    Provide for the common defense and regulate interstate commerce. In other words, kick some Islamofacist ass and provide a framework where a product made in Ohio can be sold in Georgia without undue constraints. One other thing, to raise money for the first two the federal gov’t can levy tariffs on imports.
    I believe that we need to get back to where we came from. Get rid of the nanny state and let people sink or swim. The crème will rise to the top.
    We are Americans. We built this country into the so-called Super Power it is today and we did it without income tax and socialist security and wellfair and gun control and politically correct “diversity”. Once we got there, for some unknown reason, we then instituted these so called reforms.

    Was there a bunch of guys sitting around somewhere saying something like,” Hey now that we’re a big, strong and rich country let’s start taking money from the folks doing well and give it to those who are lazy and unproductive and while we’re at it we can use some of that money to build a huge beaurocracy to employ some of those lazy and unproductive ones.”?

    So if you want to take your potbeerlsdextasymethspeedquaaludes then you should be able to pop into your local SprawlMart and buy it, take it home and do whatever people who like that stuff do. Just don’t expect me to condone it or want to partake in it. I like old VW’s, Triumph motorcycles and guns. I own a few of them. I won’t expect everyone to love aircooled, opposed, 4 cylinder, underpowered, rear mounted motors in funny looking cars and I won’t condone or love some things others do but like me they have the God given right to pursue whatever they want to do, provided it does not interfere with other people.
    I shoot Highpower and Long Range Rifle all over the country but for some odd reason I’m a baaaaad person for enjoying this sport. So over the past 25 years more and more boneheads mostly in urban areas go and steal guns and shoot each other, occasionally an innocent person is killed and when caught these guys become poor unfortunate victims of a bad society and my sport becomes akin to child rape because the tools of sport have become evil incarnate. I have become a pariah because of my sport of choice, a sport endorsed by every president until Jimmy Carter.

    Our gov’t and our society need a lot of work. I don’t know if my idea of reform is actually plausible but in my idealistic world it would be a whole heck of a lot better than what we have now.


    My Sixth Decade

    January 11th, 2007

    I was born when folks liked IKE
    I watched the Presidents funeral on TV
    I didn’t know what the Great Society was
    but every night Chet and Dave gave me the body count
    Goodnight Chet, Goodnight Dave
    Cynicism was born
    I cheered when Erlichmann, Haldeman, and Liddy went down
    I laughed at the buffoon. I watched SNL
    I did NOT vote for RAYGUN
    maybe if…
    Bush kept what’shisname out
    Clinton scared the living hell out me
    more and more
    The commies lost
    How did we get him
    I cheered and danced as Florida complained
    I played the National Anthem at 0:01 01/01/00

    Elvis sang about his wingtips
    People really liked Patsy Cline…then
    Strawberry Alarm Clock
    We dug
    The Grateful Dead. Bowie, Hot Tuna, Black Oak, Foghat, Procul Harum, ELP, Sweet and of course
    The Beatles
    despite that Disco thing
    ClashFearSexPistolsDeadKennedysXTCMissionofBurmaRamonesTalkingheadsBlondieX
    then came that whole newwavething
    Modern English,Squeeze,Flock of Seagulls,StrayCats,Animotion,Human League,Specials,FunBoyThree,Bananarama,Berlin,Madness and Elvis Costello
    Tom Waits
    Laurie Andersen
    Eventually along came Nirvana, REM, De La Soul, nine Inch nails, Run DMC, KoRn, Godsmack, Alanis Morrisette, Tool and Jewel
    In this dawn of the 21st time I’m glad to see
    Uncle Ted is still touring
    there is a band called, “And you will know us by the trail of dead”
    We are still strong
    just like we were told we were
    when we lived on kidville time
    Welcome to my 6th decade


    SprawlMart

    January 10th, 2007

    16 years ago I bought a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake skin wallet. About 7 years ago I retuned to the Eastern Sports and Outdoors show in an attempt to find the guy I bought my first one from and get another. The only thing I found out was that the guy I bought it from had died. Oh well, how difficult can it be to find a Western Diamondback Rattlesnake skin wallet. Haha!

    Fast forward to yesterday. For the past three days I have been handling my old wallet VERY carefully because it finally fell apart and all my cards and money and whatnot would fall all over if I did not handle it just so. So I walk into SprawlMart and find the Gifts/Jewelry area and I look over the offerings and decide on a nice black bi-fold leather wallet. I turn to the Jewelry counter and I ask the extremely overweight lady behind the counter if I need to pay for it there or at the checkouts at the front of the store. She begrudgingly agrees to ring me up there. It came to $10.21. I handed her a 20 dollar bill. Pause. Then I remembered all the singles and change in my pocket and I didn’t want any more so I pull out a dollar bill and hand it to her saying, “Oh wait I have a one.” So I hand her a dollar bill. She stops dead in her tracks and several looks of confusion, anger, sadness, stupidity and probably hunger came over her face all at the same time. She paused with flashing glances between the change in her hand and the cash register. After quite a long dramatic pause she takes about three steps to her left and picks up a calculator. At this point I lose it and say out loud, “You have GOT to be kidding me? Give me a ten and the change from 21 cents! By the way that comes to 79 cents!!!”. The 30-something, grossly overweight, semi-evolved simian behind the counter proceeds to give me two fives and two dimes and a penny. By this time I’m in full out WTF mode. So I felt the need to exclaim, “You are proof that our public schools are broken. Last time I checked when you subtract 21 from 100 you get 79 as in you owe me 79 cents change!!!”. I slammed the 21 cents she had given me on the counter and she counts out 79 cents, hands it to me and I walk away muttering, just loud enough to be heard……Fuckin’ Idiots

    Why did I go that bastion of American uselessness anyways? Because I was in the neighborhood and thought maybe, just maybe this time I won’t leave there muttering swear words and insults under my breath.

    Silly me. So the moral of the story is, the next time I consider walking into a SprawlMart I shall first consider self flagellation like some Buddhist priest who is pissed off about some war or something.


    Christmas shopping should be Outlawed

    January 10th, 2007

    Christmas shopping should be outlawed
    15 December, 2001
    It seems to happening to me a lot lately. First, I drove to the Lancaster Outlets on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and then today I took to the streets to go Christmas shopping. My God, what was I thinking!! Ha! It was just two slight departures from reality. Many years ago while writing an invitation to a Christmas party I formulated the theory that there are huge farms in Iowa or Nebraska, or any one of those states that we harbor just a bit of doubt as to their existence, that breed bad drivers and rude people. These people are released in to the world on the day after Thanksgiving and returned to these breeding co-operatives at an unspecified time after the New Year. My theory was confirmed once again today. The highways and streets of the Harrisburg East Shore are not fit for human habitation. Now I shall be the first to admit that my Suzuki may not go that fast but when I drive at 70mph in the right lane and someone pulls up behind me and flashes their lights and beeps their horn, like I’m suppose pull into the LEFT lane to let them by, I have to laugh out loud and point my finger at them and laugh some more. Oh yea’ and slow down too. Of course scattered about my travels was the requisite kids in their 84 Honda Accord with $4000.00 worth of wheels and a thumpin’ car stereo from Harrisburg Radio Lab belching out the most recent fodder from DMX, Kid Rock or another equally as bad. They are trying like hell to get in front of anyone and everyone. Once arriving at my destination I had to navigate the store parking lots, which I can only figure, suspend all traffic laws and codes of conduct for this brief holiday period. Twice today I encountered people yelling and screaming at each other over a parking space. At one of these trysts I stopped and rolled my window down and wished them both a, “Merry Christmas”. One of the women involved requested that I perform an act on myself that I’m somewhat sure is physically impossible. At this point I had braved the roads and parking lots now it was time to venture into the actual store itself. Ha! Haha! What a hoot! I don’t remember the general public having a stress level this high in a long time. It appeared to me that everyone was way too pissed off and in a hurry. I really enjoyed my stroll about the store kinda’ half shopping but mostly just watching the consumers consume. I was checked by an old lady while attempting to reach for a product. She wanted to walk in front of me and I guess she decided to because she did it quite well and with a, “harrumph”, rather than an, “Excuse me”. I also wished her a, “Merry Christmas”. She ignored me.


    I have no clue what I’m doing but here goes nothing

    January 10th, 2007

    Hi Folks,

    Well, I finally took the plunge into this so called blogoshpere, fashionably late again. In the upcoming days, weeks and months I guess we’ll see if it pans out.  I’m not completely sure why I’m doing this other than to vent on my keyboard so if you enjoy it or loathe it just leave a comment and let us all know how you’re doing.


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