Christmas shopping should be Outlawed
Christmas shopping should be outlawed
15 December, 2001
It seems to happening to me a lot lately. First, I drove to the Lancaster Outlets on the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and then today I took to the streets to go Christmas shopping. My God, what was I thinking!! Ha! It was just two slight departures from reality. Many years ago while writing an invitation to a Christmas party I formulated the theory that there are huge farms in Iowa or Nebraska, or any one of those states that we harbor just a bit of doubt as to their existence, that breed bad drivers and rude people. These people are released in to the world on the day after Thanksgiving and returned to these breeding co-operatives at an unspecified time after the New Year. My theory was confirmed once again today. The highways and streets of the Harrisburg East Shore are not fit for human habitation. Now I shall be the first to admit that my Suzuki may not go that fast but when I drive at 70mph in the right lane and someone pulls up behind me and flashes their lights and beeps their horn, like I’m suppose pull into the LEFT lane to let them by, I have to laugh out loud and point my finger at them and laugh some more. Oh yea’ and slow down too. Of course scattered about my travels was the requisite kids in their 84 Honda Accord with $4000.00 worth of wheels and a thumpin’ car stereo from Harrisburg Radio Lab belching out the most recent fodder from DMX, Kid Rock or another equally as bad. They are trying like hell to get in front of anyone and everyone. Once arriving at my destination I had to navigate the store parking lots, which I can only figure, suspend all traffic laws and codes of conduct for this brief holiday period. Twice today I encountered people yelling and screaming at each other over a parking space. At one of these trysts I stopped and rolled my window down and wished them both a, “Merry Christmas”. One of the women involved requested that I perform an act on myself that I’m somewhat sure is physically impossible. At this point I had braved the roads and parking lots now it was time to venture into the actual store itself. Ha! Haha! What a hoot! I don’t remember the general public having a stress level this high in a long time. It appeared to me that everyone was way too pissed off and in a hurry. I really enjoyed my stroll about the store kinda’ half shopping but mostly just watching the consumers consume. I was checked by an old lady while attempting to reach for a product. She wanted to walk in front of me and I guess she decided to because she did it quite well and with a, “harrumph”, rather than an, “Excuse me”. I also wished her a, “Merry Christmas”. She ignored me.
